Boozy Slushiewatch 2016
TAP TAP TAP...IS THIS THING ON?
DAMES NATION! REPORT TO HOMEROOM!
IT'S TIME FOR
THE MORNING ANNOUNCEMENTS!
Oh, you betcha!
Friends, the darling buds of May are upon us, in all their luscious beauty and hatefully pollen-filled splendor. Somehow this month is going to flash by before our very eyes, and here’s how we know: we already have our fabulous guest editors scheduled for May 20th!
You already know & love them as the compilers of last week’s Beystravaganza, and as furnishers of some of our favorite links over many previous issues, everyone give it up for America's Favorite Fightin' Feminists (and Top #DamesBros) Ally & Amy!
N.B.: We are also taking May 27th off to enjoy the long (US-ian) Memorial Day weekend.
Also! A number of you let us know that your copies of last week’s Beystravaganza issue just never showed up. Unacceptable! The Queen is never late, but Dames certainly can get lost en route, and we want to share some advice on how to make sure that doesn’t happen again. Share this info widely!
Please add twobossydames@gmail.com to your address book - this is the surest way to make sure these weekly missives arrive where they belong.
If you use Gmail, and a letter lands in your Promotions tab, click and drag that little scamp into your Primary tab, then click “YES” when Gmail asks if you’d like them to just go ahead and deposit future letters directly into Primary.
If you receive emails from us via a private domain, whitelist the IP addresses from our beloved TinyLetter. The addresses are:205.201.128.0/20 and 198.2.128.0/18.
Finally! You've got quandaries, we're bossy, it's a match made in heaven! Fill out the Ask Two Bossy Dames form, get tailored advice for what ails, vexes, or puzzles you. Related: it’s been one full year since our first Ask Two Bossy Dames feature ran! Revisit our informational interview dress & accessorization advice to Dames National Brooke, who we hope has landed both a sweet gig and many compliments on her look.
As always, thank you for reading, and please do pass along this advice if a friend & fellow subscriber mentions that their issues are going astray!
Attention school districts: like Jimmy & Gabrielle above, Your Dames are available
to provide humorous & enlightening music-based morning announcements remotely.
To book, please email twobossydames@gmail.com.
This Week In Hamilton: A Retirement Announcement
Longtime readers know we usually put this section of the newsletter at the very end. This week is special, so we're moving it to the tippy-top. Friends, we've had quite a run, but we're ready to do different things in this newsletter, so this is the last regular installment of This Week in Hamilton. You can look forward to occasional round-ups (after the Tonys, for example, when we will curate the finest thinkpieces & well done hot takes). And of course we will relish talking Hamilthings with you over on Twitter. Please never stop sending us GIFs of these beautiful geniuses and/or their minds at work (WORK).
We're concluding this feature with the single most important thing about this remarkable show's historic 16 Tony nominations: a video of Daveed Diggs' brother Malcolm and bestie Rafa surprising him to celebrate his nomination. Come for the loving surprise, stay for Daveed's Twee As Hell/Hot as Hell purple onesie-clad mad dash through the streets of New York. 
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
And Now! A Twitter Round-Up!
Welcome back to our monthly-ish anthology of some of the best stuff we’ve shared on Twitter. Whether you’re window shopping, looking for a refreshing adult beverage recipe, or just want to immerse yourself in some gorgeous architecture, we’ve got you covered. Let's go!
Flora & Fauna
No Merriweather in the round-up this time, alas!
BRB just building homes in these 5 outrageously perfect natural tunnels in Japan.
The Collections of D.C.'s National Museum of Natural History include #ButterfliesOrganizedNeatly.
A garland of sloths is both soothing and celebratory.
Dame S. is really quite taken with the notion that these male cardinals are a couple.
Mondays are hard, but Tuesdays are almost worse. The only way out is through, or some sloth earrings.
This biscuit-loving badger with a boombox is a must-buy for all our fellow Hufflepuffs!
Toy dinosaurs having the best time on their vacations, guys! We declare, Colossal makes us feel so seen & understood.
There was more than one lobster pullover present at the birth of Jesus? DUH! (And it's on sale!)
Turn your afternoon tea or coffee break into a SLOTH PARTAAAAY.
Real Estate
Where we’ll be entertaining this summer (in our wildest dreams)
Hugely idiosyncratic time capsule houses 4EVA! How soon can we move in?
The Solitary Resisters of Real Estate change are close cousins to an eternal DamesFav, the Spite House.
If you stay at the estate that inspired Pride & Prejudice & it’s as GREAT as it looks, tell us so we know here to hold DamesCon (when we are comically eccentric dowager countess-level wealthy)!
Atlas Obscura’s Garbage Week was possibly their greatest inadvertent trolling of Your Dames to date. We highlight but one feature, Photos from the Secret Trash Collection in a NY Sanitation Garage. We know. You’re welcome.
Trust us: you NEED the full title of An 1828 Guide to London Pitfalls & Scams.
Harper Lee on Ivanka's Dad's Taj Mahal: "The worst punishment God can devise for this sinner."
Parisian Floors is a beautiful thing, beautifully done.
Dangerously Great: A Tour of Cinematic & Televisual Posters on Etsy
PSYCH! This first item is not on Etsy, but it is highly relevant to Dames Nation’s movie-going interests: Prepare yourselves for the special 30th anniversary one-weekend rerelease of Labyrinth this September! We remain #BlessedByBowie. (PS we are not total monsters, here is a perfectly polished poster enshrining a notable line from the film.
Not now, flirtatiously belligerent partygoer, we need to get on with the poster show!
Why hello there, you beautiful midcentury modern Roman Holiday poster, so nice to meet you!
Imaginary creature badges, National Park maps, space posters & more: Ello There’s shop is DANGEROUS and we cannot in good conscience suggest that you visit it.
Never not here for a poster celebrating Diane, our favorite off-screen TV heroine.
Our feelings about Kill Bill are mixed, but we are staunchly pro this perfect to-do list of a poster.
Lesley Barnes’ aesthetic is maximalist, color-saturated wackadoo fairy taleand we are INTO IT.
HommeSurLaLune’s Parks & Rec-themed gifts are hugely appealing.
We don’t NEED any of these #TweeAsHell animal-and-dessert pairing prints, but what IS need, anyway?
Boozy Slushiewatch 2016
(Now that we’ve noticed one recipe, we see them everywhere. Leave the booze out for kids & abstainers, and get your frosty refreshment on!)
*delighted guzzling noises*
Summer’s best wine slushies are coming for your freezers.
Gin & Tonic Slushies: ugh, such glamour. YES, PLEASE!
For all your nostalgia-filled yet elegant brunches: raspberry sherbet punch.
We Conclude With a DamesBait Smorgasbord
Let your mind take effect.
A Playable Version of Pong Set Inside a Piet Mondrian Painting is true DamesBait through & through.
Eternally our jam: a map of Finland's bear population, made up of bears.
Turn off your mind, relax & float downstream w/this mix of paint, oil, milk & liquid soap, paired perfectly with a video behind the scenes at the paper-marbling workshop!
Approaching infinity: the number of tears Dame S wept over Lin-Manuel Miranda & Raul Esparza’s version of "A Boy Like That".
Bourbon-soaked, plainspoken, and twangy: Margo Price's voice is 100% #DamesBait. Learn & listen along with NPR Music.
Remember when we fell in <3 with noble Badger Nigel Hayes & the sports stenographer? Reminisce with us!
We close with real-time footage of the Bossy Aerie by artist Sparrows!