Christina & Kamille: The Hottie Takeover
We cordially invite you to pull yourself a little closer to the monitor and Get Involved with the Unfriendly Black Hotties Edition™ of Two Bossy Dames.
(Please read this from a safe distance, we want you to be spiritually close to us, but we also think eye health is very important.)
Who are we? Glad you asked. We are Christina & Kamille, and we host a podcast called “Unfriendly Black Hotties.” We yell about higher education, books, movies, TV, fashion, and whatever else catches our fancy.
We truly feel so #Blessed to be guiding you into the frothy culture waters of the moment, and with Valentine’s Day on the horizon, we hope be the (un)friendly hotties you want to send sweet nothings to all weekend long. Let us now have a moment of respectful silence for our Dames, who have entrusted us with their glorious newsletter. We are honored for any opportunity to make a space a little OUT-RAH-GEOUS and of course, blacker.
Join us, won’t you?
Celebrities Whose Love We LoveIn honor of Valentine’s Day, we thought we’d share some celebrity couples about whom we care deeply, and who we imagine, if given the chance, would also care deeply about us.Michelle and Barack Obama are everyone’s favorite political couple, and for good reason. Look how chic they are. Look how fun they are. THEY ARE SO INTO EACH OTHER LOOOOOK! Whenever they talk about each other, they always manage to convey both a sense of fun (Michelle: “He was a bum!”) as well as the work that marriage requires. Michelle spoke plainly about it in the classic NYT piece about their relationship: “It’s unfair for young people who are trying to build something, to project this perfection that doesn’t exist.” The new movie Southside With You, about Barack and Michelle’s first date in 1989, premiered at Sundance a few weeks ago, and we are dying to see it. If the teaser is any indication, it is the black rom-com we’ve all been yearning for.We’re sorry y’all, this one's gonna hurt. Iman and David Bowie will be #Goalsfor time eternal. As children of interracial marriage, we didn’t see a lot of what our families looked like reflected in the media, and granted, no one in our families has the ethereal, alien beauty of those two. Still, seeing an I N C R E D I B L Y famous musician talking about how in love he was with a black woman was pretty damn powerful. We love hearing Iman talk about how great their marriage was (very, it seems), and how important it was to remember that she was married to David Jones- not David Bowie. Also, this bit about him tying her shoes when her laces came undone is one of the sweetest things we have heard maybe ever?We’re pretty sure everyone makes the same gleeful squeal when they first realize that Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman are married. Some blessed soul at Vulture compiled a comprehensive history of their relationship and it is #EssentialReading. Those crazy kids just make boatloads of sense together. They always have solid love advice for us plebs (“Lift your head up while 69ing and say, ‘I really like you.’”), their house is nuts, and together they portrayed one of the culture’s most important dysfunctional couples ever.We will never get sick of flipping through image galleries of Portia DeRossi and Ellen Degeneres. Have you ever seen two people more visibly mad for each other? We didn’t think so. Remember that America’s Next Top Model episode where Michelle (queer twin) had to represent both of them in a photo? ICONIC. And this red carpet video of Portia talking about Ellen is aspirational AF. Key takeaways: Portia has an adorable laugh, she and Ellen never lie to each other, and for some reason they went on holiday with Harry Styles and Kylie Jenner??? Nature is amazing.We don’t think we have to say much aside from: THE CARTERS?? Truly, we could just link to about one million photos of how hard they are #CoupleGoals but we’ll leave that kind of fevered googling to y’all. They have been together for eight years, which, given that celebrity marriage years are like cat years, is almost eternity. Vulture wrote this great timeline of their relationship, and they made BLUE IVY, a child who was put on this earth to remind us that heaven is real. They are obviously Crazy in Love (see what we did there??) with one another and they do actual, tangible good for social justice causes. Put a fork in us, we’re done.And While We Have Your Attention, The Week In BeyoncéLike Beyoncé’s net worth, still we riseIt’s a leap year y’all, and you know what that means: 29 glorious days of uninterrupted, unrepentant black history exultation. How are we celebrating? BY WATCHING FORMATION ON AN ENDLESS LOOP, OBVIOUSLY. While we don’t have space here for an exhaustive guide, we are more than happy to jumpstart your close-reading with some key terms.What happened at the New Wil’ins? Y’all, this video is intersectional AF. In the first few seconds, she quotes Messy Mya, a genderqueer NOLA comedian who was killed in 2010. In just six words, a woman with a $250M net worth aligns herself with the disenfranchised. The black. The poor. The queer. The murdered and the disappeared. Whew.Y’all haters corny with that Illuminati mess: The good folks at both Fader and Bustle have put together helpful primers on this whole kerfuffle. Basically, since Carter’s made their first few millions, a small cluster of the deeply suspicious/bored have sought to connect them with a highly made-up conspiracy of assorted movers and shakers. Fellow Illuminati bedfellows include Lady Gaga, a bunch of villains from the Lara Croft movie, and the cast of Boy Meets World. #themoreuknow.I like my baby heir with baby hair and afros: The Carters are the closest we Americans have to royalty. (That time they met Kate and Will almost created a singularity last year.) Blue Ivy is the heir to that Carter-Knowles greatness. And her hair--”unruly” to some but surely intentional and obviously well-maintained--is an embodiment of the unabashed blackness that “Formation” is all about.Ok ladies, now let’s get in formation: Hot choreo has always been a #majorkey in black art and communication. Stepping (the highly rhythmic walk-abouts and hand-claps first made known to many white people by the seminal classic Stomp the Yard) has been essential to black Greek life at American colleges and universities for more than a hundred years. So when Bey summons her ladies (styled in matching outfits worthy of any HBCU step show) into formation, she isn’t just telling them to slay an 8-count. She’s also tipping her low-brimmed hat to a long tradition of black sisterhood in motion.The first time we watched this video, we were surrounded by our most treasured brown people and queer people. We were all in heaps, spread across the floor of a beautiful Brooklyn apartment, rapt and intermittently screaming.It is truly as the magical sitar player once said: the greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return. Happy Black History Month, y’all.
Hottie Kamille: “I Don’t Really Have A Title, I’m Just Gonna Yell Some Opinions”
I am honeybee-obsessed and you should be too. Why? Because honeybees are hella feminist, y’all! Their society is matriarchal and eminently supportive and the only males that exist in it are the ones the queen decides should. They create fucking group-hugs to keep the hive warm and alive in the winter. Plus, honey bees are the ultimate professional shaaaawties. They forecast the weather to better plan their work days! We should all aspire to that level of grind. Laline Paull put out an incredibly imaginative novel last year that explores life in a hive through the eyes of a lowly sanitation bee. It’s like your favorite, most brilliantly evocative dystopian novel, but set literally in a beehive. I’m gonna go ahead and insist that you grab a copy. (Bossy Editors's note: Pssst, our pals at Overdue just did a HILARIOUS episode on this novel, FYI, you should check it out.)The Atlantic has been publishing a series of impassioned arguments over which planet is best, and I have been RIVETED. So far, we’ve heard from advocates for Jupiter (so big!), Saturn (so gorgeous!), and Uranus (so weird!). The series hasn’t addressed Mars yet, but my mind is already pretty made up about that desolate place. I read an article last year imploring humans to stay well clear of Mars and it realllly stuck with me. I mean, Mars basically has no atmosphere. It’s downright gauche. I also saw that movie where Matt Damon hung out on Mars for a while and honestly it did not seem like he had a super fun time. Apart from that, my planetary allegiances have always been heavily informed by the Sailor Moon canon (Outer Senshi 4ever), but I think I could be swayed. If you need extra help picking a favorite,peruse this collection of interplanetary tourist posters from NASA. Space stuff is the best stuff.Valentine’s Day. Yes, my baby petite Brussels sprouts, it is upon us again. I know many people hate it; Hershey’s kisses are getting more expensive, and that is surely a sign of the coming apocalypse. Even so, I lowkey love V-Day. Full disclosure: I do have a side-piece to whom I have grown quite attached (the famous “Mr. X”), but my fondness for that particular white gentleman has little to do with my feelings re: Feb. 14. Love takes many forms, and many of the most fulfilling ones are not romantic. I always take the day as an opportunity to celebrate all my faves, not just the romantical ones. This V-Day, I encourage all of you to lock yourself in the house with your bestie, some beer bread, and a box of wine. Watch “Formation” together, every hour, on the hour. Eat something outRAHgeously chocolatey. And when your BFF leaves, do something nice that’s just for you. Treat yourself to a talismanic brooch or an impossibly beautiful/impractical hat. Be good to yourself. You should be one of your own faves too.RELATEDLY. We all know that February is for three things: lovers, black people, and feeling like a failure because January is already over and omg I have nothing to show for it. Seriously, Dames Nation, why do we do this to ourselves? The majority of my time in therapy is spent berating myself for needing to be in therapy. Madness. This cycle of self-flagellation is constant for many of us. And the feel of a seemingly unaccomplished January come and gone is grim. But never fear. When you’re feeling dissatisfied and communing with your Netflix queue isn’t bringing you peace, just read this important reminder from the wonderful Jamie Lauren Keiles. Everything really is fine, my doves.This Week in Hamilton: MORE BEYONCEYou guys, we tried to find a Peggy gif and this is what happened. We’re scream-crying.We have exactly one Hamilton link for you blessed gems this week, but trust us, it is a great one. H/T to DamesPal Amy for the Super Bowl half-time/Hamilton mash-up we didn’t know we needed. There is always a Peggy, huh?Get Involved With Hottie Christina's Picks:
Like Cookie, you are going to be enthralled by what I have to share with you. Hello hello my darling Dames Nation! Christina here, please behold some pieces of pop culture I have consumed, enjoyed and wish to share with you, partially digested, not unlike a mother bird feeding her young.You, like me, need a new podcast, yes? Of course you do, you subscribe to them as though your phone has unlimited GBs and yet you still find the odd afternoon with nothing to listen to. Allow me to ease this burden dear ones. Baltimore: The Rise of Charm City is part of a project created by Air Mediacalled Localore: Finding America. They connect a producer (in this series, Stacia L. Brown) with the means to create “new storytelling models for the communities that public media doesn’t typically reach.” Are you pumped yet? In the first episode, Stacia talks to ex-Baltimore Colt Glenn "Shake and Bake" Doughty about the skating and recreation center he created in the inner city and named–what else? Shake and Bake. It is the kind of storytelling that weaves history, race, social policy, and voices from the community together in a way that made me restart the show the moment it was over.Single on Valentine’s Day? First of all, #Same. As tempting as it can be to really Lean In™ to the singledom and purchase red wine and ice cream while wearing sweats and identifying faaar too much with Julia Roberts' character in My Best Friend’s Wedding, (not that I am...speaking from personal experience or anything) you should do this instead: Round up your baddest girl squad, make these (oh and maybe this - definitely drink this) and watch the Seminal Black Classic™ Waiting to Exhale. It is one of the greatest films OF ALL TIME, no exaggeration. Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine, Whitney Houston and Lela Rochon star as best friends who navigate friendship and romance and OH MY GOD Y’ALL IT’S SO WONDERFUL. The soundtrack is FIRE, Gregory Hines (RIP) is in it, and Angela Bassett SLAPS THE SHIT OUT OF A WHITE WOMAN in one of the greatest scenes in cinema history. As a girl who grew up in a very white town and didn’t have a lot of connections to black culture, watching this with my black roommates in college was one of the most formative experiences of my twenties.My phone is pretty much comprised of two things: videos of me lip synching into champagne bottles when bored (and slightly tipsy) and gifs. The ability to send a gif via text is so important to me, is something I hold so dear, that I am sure I will wax poetic about it on my deathbed. IMAGINE then, my complete delight to find this interview at Fusion with Cat Fraizer, the genius behind the AnimatedText tumblr. As the interview says, her specialty is “intentionally tacky-looking gifs of rotating text.” I stumbled upon this gif earlier in the year, which is my aesthetic, entirely. Imagine my further delight to find that this game-changing content creator is a young black gay woman! She talks about how her blog blew up (Frank Ocean reblogged this, natch) and her frustration that everyone assumes she’s a straight white man. Read it, enjoy it, snag some throwback gifs, everyone wins.Y’all. I am officially an #OLD because I find Snapchat BAFFLING. Sure, I can hit you with a selfie and some decently placed text to communicate my disinterest in the workplace, and of course I watch DJ Khaled’s updates everyday. Buzzfeed’s Ben Rosen wrote a GR8 piece about how hard his teenage sister schooled him on the finer points of Snapchat and ohhhhh my god guys I am NOT doing well at all!!! Did you know a “good” Snap story gets a minimum of 150 views?? Your “score” matters? “Streaks” matter? Listen this was one of the most eye opening pieces I read here in 2k16 so go read it and then we can kvetch on Twitter (the social media of #Olds) about Kids These Days.Over on our podcast, Kamille and I spend A LOT of time yelling about race, white people and oh my god guys how can we fix this goddamn system we are in???? One thing I (and I think a lot of other people color) struggle to articulate is what we want from white people. We talk a lot about how white people need to Do Better, but we also delight in clowning on white people who take the time to yell about just how WOKE they are. While both can be valid critiques, it’s not necessarily the best way to create meaningful dialogue, ya dig? Please take a moment out of your busy day to read Our Internet Boyfriend Rembert Browne’s Why White Privilege is Everyone’s Burden. It’s Rembert, you love him, and I don’t have to give you a juicy pull quote, but let it NEVER be said that I don’t love y’all: "Once a white person has fulfilled the necessary requirements to prove a true understanding of their white privilege, they are anointed (typically by black consignees) woke. You are an elevated, “awakened” white person...It’s funny because, in actuality, there are few better examples of white privilege than white people crafting their own perfect “woke” narrative and having it work." It’s great, read it, thank me later.Dames Nation, we came, we yelled, we conquered. We truly cannot thank Dame Margaret and Dame Sophie for the opportunity they hath bestowed upon us. We hope you enjoyed this takeover of your usual Friday newsletter, and if you didn’t, A. Why are you lying? and B. You did because you are still reading.If you find yourself needing more Unfriendly Black Hotties, you should listen to some of our Greatest Hits. For an early intro into our particular brand, try “Papschmear”. If you want some more recent news, give “Maggie Smith Is Old As Hell” a listen. And if you only have a minute, listen to one of our +1s - might we recommend “Say It With The Confidence Of Ron Weasley”? Of course, you can find us all over the internet. We’re on Twitter as The Black Hotties, also personally as Christina and Kamille. We post snippets of our weird work GChats on our tumblr, you should super Get Involved with that. If you are still using Facebook, (we all have to talk to our family at some point) you can like us there too! If you have questions about Higher Ed or...anything, actually, send us a carrier pigeon at firstname.lastname@example.org. We’ll do your best to give you fair, reasoned counsel. We’d love for you to subscribe and review! Thank for kickin’ it with us kids. We had a blast.