West Coast Edition

Hello, Dames Nation! 

We are your guest editors for this week, Liz Galvao (@lizgalvao) and Meryl Williams (@MerylWilliams). Liz is a writer/editor/comedy person based in L.A., and her newsletter, Weird Personal Emails, features personal stories, feminist rants, and tangents about pop culture.  Meryl’s newsletter, The Sleeper Hit, chronicles her life as a roller derby player and writer in Portland, OR. We both love Two Bossy Dames and we were super excited when Sophie and Margaret asked us to step in for this special edition!

Liz’s Top 5

  • I listen to a ton of music, both personally (to drown out my upstairs neighbor’s sex noises) and professionally (I’m the Music Editor of BUST Magazine), so I thought I’d share what I’ve been listening to lately!

    • I’ve been going to Santigold’s 99¢ for my high energy/pop fix lately. What a relief that Santi is back!

    • I’ve also recently been falling in love with an artist named Margaret Glaspy, whose album comes out in June, and which I believe will be a big one for 2016. She’s been compared to Courtney Barnett, and though she’s a guitarist, I would also compare her to Fiona Apple in her songwriting, which is emotional and often has an unexpected trajectory. See: “You And I”, “Somebody to Anybody”.

    • Of course, I’ve also been absorbing Kendrick Lamar’s untitled unmastered. I LOVE unfinished albums, demos, lost tracks, etc., that let you see an artist’s process, and I find it very refreshing this album has almost no packaging. Although, on some level, isn’t that just an illusion? I mean, this was released on Interscope, and you know Cee-Lo got her money.

  • The Superego podcast officially announced the end of its regular seasons recently, and man, I’m going to miss it. No other comedy podcast makes me laugh out loud like this one. They were also the first podcast I knew to release content in seasons, which I thought was a much more reasonable model for creators than the current one of “Just keep putting out one episode a week forever!” I thought I’d share some of my favorite sketches: PumpTVThe Reverend Leroy JenkinsThe Legion of Doom, and God’s Crazy Monsters.

  • I just recently started binge-reading How May We Hate You?, a blog full of insane customer service stories from two writers’ experiences working at the front desk of a hotel in Times Square (soon to be a book!). I met one of the writers, Anna Drezen, at a meetup for Reductress writers a few years ago (we both contribute to the women’s humor site). I remember her mentioning that she had this day job she hated at a hotel, but I didn’t realize just how horrible it must be to work somewhere where you’re catering to tourists all day long. It astounds me how often guests argue with the staff about things they’re just plain wrong about!

  • Speaking of Reductress, they really made me laugh with this piece: Parents! PLEASE Stop Posting Your Annoying Sonograms and ‘Missing’ Fliers On Social Media.

  • Here’s another binge-reading rec: I really love Amy Rose Spiegel’s project Enormous Eye, where writers record their Saturdays. Two of my favorite posts were Ashley Ford’s and Jessica Hopper’s. They happened to describe eventful days, but I appreciate the mundane entries just as much. People writing about how they feel lazy and unproductive and it’s six o’clock at night and they still haven’t left the house? Yes, please!

Meryl’s Top 5

Burning the Patriarchy to the Ground.

  • Rebecca Traister’s new book, All The Single Ladies came out earlier this month and I couldn’t put it down. It’s based on the premise that, today, only 20 percent of Americans between 18 and 29 are married, compared to nearly 60 percent in 1960. Single women have more purchasing power, political influence, and personal freedom than ever before (even if maybe sometimes it really, really doesn’t feel like it). Reading this book made me realize how lucky I am to enjoy the financial freedom that allows me to support myself and live alone. I want the same for all women!

  • Chicago writer Britt Julious writes for Pitchfork about why the color of Nina Simone’s skin is as important as the sound of her voice. She connects the power of Simone’s activism and music to what it meant to her, and to her mother, when Julious was growing up. Read this lovely piece!

  • My latest internet obsession is this meme where you have to ask yourself, is this a picture of a dog or is it food? Animal or edible? There are so many of these and they are all so great. [Dame M.: STRONGEST POSSIBLE CO-SIGN.]

  • Also, if you are maybe having a sad day may I suggest you watch this video of baby elephants who think they are lap dogs

  • I play roller derby here in Portland and I write about it a lot. But even if you don’t know much about the sport, you can still appreciate this awesome webcomic about a derby girl working a day job. Check out Bonnie-N-Collideand appreciate that, for a long time, this art by Monica Gallagher was my profile pic.

This Week in Hamilton: The Bachelor 

Guess what, neither of us know anything about Hamilton! (Beyond what we’ve learned from Two Bossy Dames, of course.) But lucky for you, we suddenly know a lot about The Bachelor. We are new to the ABC franchise this season and have not seen any of the previous 19 cycles. But we got suckered into this nonsense by our friends [Hi Meryl!!! - Dame M., semi-professional Bachelor siren] and now we have some thoughts on Season 20 and Bachelor Ben.

~Bachelor Thoughts~

Meryl: I think Ben is probably a nice person  but I found him very boring. Also, why all these dates on planes and helicopters? Are all the seasons of this show like that?

Liz: This is how I know I could never be on one of these shows. They do so many panic attack-inducing activities, I would have to be on Klonopin the whole time.

M: Did the harrowing #WomenTellAll episode (where all the eliminated contestants gather and say vicious things about each other, essentially BLOOD SPORT) make you feel sorry for Olivia or just make you never want to watch television again? So very uncomfortable.  Also, #TeamJubilee forever, amen.

Long live the Chicken Enthusiast!!! - Dame M.

L: #WomenTellAll made me so uncomfortable, not least because everyone’s makeup was SO heavy that night! I guess the thing I struggle with the most with this show is: why do they have to get married so quickly? I know it raises the stakes, but it just seems irresponsible after only knowing each other for two months. Why do they need to get married to “start their life together?” That is such an old-fashioned way of doing things, for a show where a man sleeps with three women in a row and then literally votes one of them off the island. Why can’t they just date, or maybe move in together and get a cat, if they’re really feeling wild?

You can't pick a winner by her hideous gown, apparently.

Meryl’s finale prediction: I called that Lauren B. was gonna be stuck with Ben and that JoJo (or Jubilee) was going to be next Bachelorette because she is actually an interesting person. I did NOT call that he was going to tell JoJo, yet not Lauren B., that he'd said "I love you" to both of them??

Liz’s finale prediction: Opposite! I really thought Jojo was going to win it, based like 70% on the dress she was wearing in the promos. She was in a very bridal-looking, beaded, pale pink dress, while Lauren B was in a sleek blue dress that’s very office-to-club practical. I just didn’t see wardrobe putting the winner in that dress! But then, they do like to throw you off.

M: ABC is an evil genius for picking the next Bachelors and Bachelorettes from the previous cycles because, with JoJo as the next Bachelorette, I am IN. It would have been a really boring season watching someone perfect like Lauren B. (who will forever be Lauren B., despite being the last Lauren standing).

L: A part of me is so cynical that I kind of think the producers nudged Ben toward Lauren because they knew JoJo would make a great Bachelorette. Even earlier in the season, I thought, “Man, this JoJo chick really needs to be the face of her own franchise. She is truly America’s sweetheart!”

M: Not that I have a ton of experience with proposals in general, but Ben proposed to Lauren twice and both felt kinda weak to me? IDK.

L: The pastor hanging around the finale set all night was so awkward. Couldn’t they get him a green room, or at least a chair? You could tell that Chris Harrison really thought they were going to get married on the spot, because he had NOTHING planned to kill the nine minutes that remained in the show after they shot down that idea. Good for them! I’m glad they didn’t cave to the pressure. Who the hell dreams of getting married in some dark studio in Burbank, without even the time to write your vows or shop for a dress?! Also, let’s pretend that Skinny Kimmel’s routine never happened. (Doesn’t he have writers? What the hell happened there?) [Dame M.: He is the WORST (Burr).]

~Bachelor Links~
Ben's mom seemed like a nice, normal, smart lady.

  • Liz really enjoyed learning about the woman who edited herself in this season of the Bachelor on The Establishment. What can I say, her disgust with the baby sea turtle release really cracked me up!

  • From Salon, "The Bachelor is Still For White People" raises some interesting questions about the show’s history of whitewashing, especially in the way contestants’ last names aren’t used on the show, and how the “ethnic” side of biracial contestants’ backgrounds is obscured.

  • Can these people really be “in love” after only a few weeks? Is it even possible to be in love with more than one person at once, BEN? A biological anthropologist answered these crucial Bachelor questions and more for The Washington Post.

  • Meryl loves The Billfold, and especially enjoyed this by Nicole Dieker, on the cost of being on The Bachelor. I didn’t know until this week that it’s not uncommon for women to spend literally thousands of dollars on clothes once they get accepted as a Bachelor contestant. This is yet another reason I would not fare well on this show. I’d be on for one week before getting bumped and for that hot second America would be like, who is this girl who just wears the same ratty Rilo Kiley shirt every day? Also, no wonder these ladies cry when they lose! They quit their jobs to be there and now they’re eyeballs-deep in credit card debt. And! And! And they don’t get paid to be contestants? HOW.

  • Need some replacement therapy now that this season is over? Get yourself over to Read It And Weep, a good podcast about bad books, TV, and movies. Funny lady Sarah Hatheway was a guest on a recent Bachelor-centric episode and an end-of-season recap with her was just released today!

~Our Favorite Moments~

L: My favorite moment was during the hometowns episode, when Amanda got voted off, and she complained to Ben that he should have broken it off when they were in her hometown, to save her the trip. Girl, YOU LIVE IN LAGUNA BEACH. Everyone else is from Portland, Ohio, and Texas. You are the only local one here, and you’re complaining about the trip home? You can take an Uber back!! Are you serious?!

M: Let us never forget the horrible date that involved feeding hot dogs to pigs swimming in the ocean. Other top moments include that time Olivia got left on an island forever, and also any second that Jubilee spoke.

~Would You Ever Do This Show?~

L: Meryl, would ever do this show? I was pondering this last night, and thought it might be a fun thing to discuss. I think I would only ever consider doing The Bachelorette, because at least in that situation, they are casting guys specifically for you. I don’t know, I’m not single, but would America want to watch a season with me and 28 funny Jewish dudes, anyway? I can’t see my family agreeing to be a part of it, which might be a dealbreaker for ABC.

M: (I would watch that season.) But yeah! If I made it past week one in my gross T-shirt, I would totally do it. I wouldn’t last long, but I would for sure hang out and drink white wine spritzers with a bunch of fun ladies. Doing The Bachelorette does sound kind of appealing, if only to have a window into how much control the “lead talent” has versus producers. My dad would also not be on board, but the idea of him making small talk in those confessionals is at least a little funny to me. Sign me up, America!